isnt it funny...?...?????

6th Mac 2005

yesterday a guy asked me..."when was the last time i had a bf"...
n i counted....n gosh its been 3years!

i havent said "i love U"....or " i missU" in three years..
i havent gotten xcited to know there's my "sayang" on the other end of the line...
i haven't had my hand bein held by the one i could spend the rest of my life wit..

wow...its been three years!...
i was taken aback because i thought it was like just yesterday..or atleast last year that i finally said goodBye..
but time waits for no man...n its been three years..

what was it like back then...how was i back then?....have i changed in what ever form possible?gosh lotsa things ran thru my head...
guys did come n go..passerBys...them of whom never really set their foot still...long enough for me to develop....for me to feel...for me to fall....

u know i still do it...
..watchin other couples n wish it was me...
seein couples holding hands n wished it was my hands he was holding....

i keep wonderin...n still do....
whens it gonna b my turn again?
is it gonna be soon...or my journey is still far away...
when will he finally arrive?
when will he say he'd walk a thousand miles...
or come save me everytime i fall over...
When will he call...
n tell me "i'm u'res"

i am the same tho...just like 3 years ago..
i'm scared...i'm chicken shit...
dunt want to open it again..n let myself go..
to love someOne dearly n xpect another no...
n that i have no energy to set these chains go....

tell me
how do u mend a heart...
a broken demented heart..
dat started so pure...
dat started wit no cure....

how do u tell it..
to let it go..
to let it free...
n fly it by the sea...

when there was a time..
a time not long ago...
that i let it all go...
n it was stampered n left no more...

how do u mend it...
or even fix it...
when e'time i let it...
i need to say "FUCK IT"

i feel i need to cry...
then ask questions why..
i'd rather live a lie...
n let myself die...

so i call upon to u...
to tell me its not so blue...
but dont xpect any clue..
or me to stay so true...

note2Self_will i ever move on?